FANTASIA25 REVIEW: Hold the Fort [20XX]

Rating: NR | Runtime: 74 minutes
Director(s): William Bagley
Writer(s): William Bagley / Scott Hawkins and William Bagley (story)

Magic can’t stop bullets.

Unlike Sunnydale’s perpetually open Hellmouth necessitating the Slayer to defeat demons all throughout the school year, the suburban community built upon the former site of Fort Gruber must only battle its monsters once a year at the Equinox. That’s when a portal opens to unleash witches, werewolves, vampires, and more under the leadership of an entity known only as “The Stick Man” (since no one has ever survived an encounter to describe it in full). So, the neighborhood bands together, gathers as many weapons as they can, and lets their hired mercenary McScruffy (Hamid-Reza Benjamin Thompson) save their souls.

This is the straightforward premise behind William Bagley’s Hold the Fort and pretty much all you need going in and all you’re left with coming out. We receive a prologue to set the stage and then first-time homeowners Lucas (Chris Mayers) and Jenny (Haley Leary) arriving from the city just in time for the annual festivities. Could Homeowners Association President Jerry (Julian Smith) have given them a bit more of a heads up on what’s in store? Sure. But then we wouldn’t be able to enjoy Lucas’ reaction to the carnage. Because Ted (Levi Burdick) can mock him for being a “virgin” all he wants. This nightmarish scenario would probably send you and me running and screaming too.

While its single-locale, defensive front narrative automatically calls to mind other titles from cinematic history, this is neither a gritty thriller a la the classic Assault on Precinct 13 nor a gory, dark drama like a contemporary iteration in VFW. No, Bagley and co-story creator Scott Hawkins are going full comedic splatterfest with their over-the-top characters and goofy execution. Yes, witches and a werewolf do make an appearance, but the main enemies Jerry and his homeowners fight are much sillier in their construction. So too are the means with which they have to dispatch them considering success demands either extreme specificity or a drug-fueled YOLO rampage.

Despite there being a bit of a messaging as far as rolling with the punches when life throws curveballs into your idyllic dreams and the very real reminder to read the fine print before signing what should be an innocuous contract, Hold the Fort leans hard into its style over substance romp DNA to entertain from start to finish without any demand heavier than enjoying the ride. It helps when the chaos kicks off earlier than expected and the usual spiel becomes truncated for brevity in-between rolling regiments of supernatural beasties. Just point your gun, shoot your enemy, and check sentimentality at the door. Hesitate for a second and someone will always get killed.

Bagley knows what he’s created and spares no time culling the ensemble since they’re value to the fun is greater than their purpose to the story. It allows the actors to let loose with cocaine, giant wrenches, and the corniest of catchphrases while the special effects teams wield carte blanche to destroy the set and continue covering Mayers’ face in blood. All we need are our stand-ins (Lucas and Jenny), the hardened exemplars of who they could become (Ted and Michelle L Lamb’s Annette), and a leadership combo of unorthodox tactics (Jerry) and brute force (McScruffy). Make sure their shared dynamic puts laughter above authenticity (without sacrificing sincerity) and see where the insanity takes you.

There are unceremonious deaths to shock you. Drawn out deaths to inject some emotion before adding more humor. A coward learning to be brave and a loner embracing community. Sure, the HOA fees are high (stockpiling ammunition isn’t cheap), but you can’t put a price on genuine camaraderie. It takes some ball-busting, pants-soiling, and adrenaline-soaked homicide to earn that familial bond, but it’s worth the trauma when the alternative is having your guts ripped out. And while Hold the Fort might not be for everyone due to its inherent silliness, it won’t wear out its welcome at only seventy-four minutes. So, stick around for cut wirework and outtakes during the credits if your smile remains ear-to-ear.