REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 [2011]

“Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies” Here’s a pitch for a new Trojan Condoms’ advertising campaign tie-in to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1: Even Vampires Need Protection. Yes, the entire film could have been struck from the record if only Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was a responsible hundreds-year old creeper when de-flowering his literally blushing bride. A complete waste of time with its first half being all about an eighteen-year old high school graduate losing her virginity on her wedding night—I guess it’s a good example these…

Read More

REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: New Moon [2009]

“You’d sacrifice your life for one of us?” You know it’s pretty bad when the second film of a ‘saga’ can have absolutely no resolution, literally start and end without adding anything to the tale but a bridge to link the first to the third, and yet be more entertaining than the original. Twilight worked for me—mostly because I never read the books to realize how stupid it will all end up—due to its romance and freshness of that aspect in a vampire drama. Usually, the genre would be all…

Read More