REVIEW: Jack Goes Home [2016]

“Artists write poetry. Assholes just complain.” There’s no question that Thomas Dekker‘s sophomore effort as writer/director is a head-scratcher. What you as a viewer must decide is whether or not to keep scratching. I don’t think anyone outside of Dekker himself can truly unpack the type of psychological chaos occurring within Jack Goes Home and I like that notion. This is an artist using his medium as an outlet to exorcise demons without necessarily factoring in audience expectations. It doesn’t supply easy answers, leaves a ton of loose ends as…

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REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 [2011]

“Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies” Here’s a pitch for a new Trojan Condoms’ advertising campaign tie-in to The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1: Even Vampires Need Protection. Yes, the entire film could have been struck from the record if only Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was a responsible hundreds-year old creeper when de-flowering his literally blushing bride. A complete waste of time with its first half being all about an eighteen-year old high school graduate losing her virginity on her wedding night—I guess it’s a good example these…

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REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse [2010]

“I’d rather you be really dead than one of them” I’m not saying Twilight was a masterpiece, but it did hold promise—promise that its successors have done little to uphold. An overly melodramatic adolescent romance, the first film knew what it was and had enough exposition and story to hold things together through the schmaltzy eye-rolling of a smitten teen finding trouble and supernatural heroes to save her. Rather than build on that premise, the sequel became an overblown epilogue to try and introduce a love triangle we already know…

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REVIEW: Twilight [2008]

“I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore” It’s a case of which came first for me—Twilight or The Southern Vampire Mysteries? After watching the film Twilight I couldn’t help but think about the stellar HBO drama series based on the latter. For some reason, vampires are making a huge comeback and while the youngsters can’t watch the swearing and nudity featured with Sookie Stackhouse, they can swoon over Edward Cullen and wish to be Bella Swan. And unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately in a purely entertaining, surreal…

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