REVIEW: Into the Storm [2014]

“Me and the planet go way back. So …” We need to talk about Into the Storm‘s unsung hero: Lucas. Played by Lee Whittaker, most won’t think twice about his character standing on the sidelines with camera in-hand to document this natural disaster later edited together for our enjoyment. (Can we go meta and pretend Steven Quale is the director of the film and the film?) He used to play lacrosse, he’s in it for the money, and he doesn’t get crap from boss Pete (Matt Walsh) because he’s all…

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REVIEW: Friday the 13th [2009]

“You should have been watching him” The scariest part of the new remake Friday the 13th … that’s right, getting into your car and realizing that the eternity was only 90 minutes. All jokes aside, what I learned from the newest installment in one of horror’s never-ending franchises is that you do not mess with Jason Voorhees’s weed. The guy has a nice little crop growing over there at Camp Crystal Lake, and he protects it with his machete and burlap bag covered grotesque mug. Honestly, the first few deaths…

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