Rating: NR | Runtime: 92 minutes
Release Date: January 17th, 2023 (USA)
Studio: Paramount Pictures / MGM+
Director(s): Roxanne Benjamin
Writer(s): T.J. Cimfel & David White

‘Cause they have to call it, like, a little bitchy name ’cause you’re a girl.

This quote from Roxanne Benjamin’s director’s statement says everything you need to know about There’s Something Wrong with the Children: “Ultimately, at the end of the day, what I want to tell you about this movie is that it’s an evil kid movie. For the sole intent and purpose of being—you guessed it from the title itself—an evil kids movie.” Because T.J. Cimfel and David White have written it as a metaphor about parenthood and responsibility.

Benjamin shoots the third act as a never-ending purgatorial nightmare wherein Margaret (Alisha Wainwright) literally cannot escape the world’s demand for her to embrace motherhood. There’s even an effective subplot on stigmatizing mental illness via gaslighting. But it’s also just a horror film with super creepy kids wreaking havoc. When done right, with “fun” at the forefront, that’s enough.

Credit Briella Guiza and David Mattle for a lot of that success since they both have the ability to turn the most innocuous scene into a sinister game with nothing more than a smile. Their Lucy and Spencer know exactly what they’re doing when they sneak off in the night on Margaret and Ben (Zach Gilford).

They know the terror those two will experience upon waking to find them gone and we know what that fear will do after having endured the usual “parenthood changes you” spiel the kids’ parents (Amanda Crew’s Ellie and Carlos Santos’ Thomas) have surely given them multiple times before. It’s the perfect cover for unexplained creatures to infiltrate humanity since most kids don’t even have to realize what they’re doing to manipulate the adults around them.

So, we weave through the quartet, gleaning details meant to distract us as much as the characters themselves. First we think Margaret and Ben are smart after seeing how on-edge Ellie and Thomas have become while trying to juggle their identities as parents with that of their adventurous and virile pasts. Then we wonder if perhaps their lack of needing to be responsible for anyone but themselves has caused them to drop the ball when it comes to watching their friends’ kids.

Suddenly the secrets they all hold to keep up appearances and pride turn from anecdotes the others can use to feel better about themselves to weapons accomplishing the same with the added bonus of pain. We become so wrapped up in our own baggage and need to be superior that it’s easy to mistake real horror for delusion.

And by the time the true antagonistic force decides subterfuge is no longer necessary, it’s already too late. Benjamin leans on this reality, pushing both Ben and Margaret to the edge of sanity. Gilford delivers the panic and grief of helplessness first regardless of whether what he sees only happened in his mind. Wainwright comes next as she slowly realizes she sided with rational thought over love only to discover how society’s demand for conformity has tricked us into forgetting there’s more to life outside those constraints.

The ending can feel repetitive and convenient at times, but it’s not because the filmmakers couldn’t decide how to finish things. It’s precisely because their messaging deals with subjects that cannot be finished. Its programming is ingrained in our DNA.

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(L-R) Briella Guiza as Lucy and David Mattle as Spencer in the supernatural horror/thriller, THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN, a Paramount Home Entertainment and MGM+ release. Photo courtesy of Blumhouse Television.