I’m not sure why I keep filling myself with false hope that the Oscars will one day be an entertaining show to watch. The optimism is almost completely unfounded by this point. Whether they go weird (Anne Hathaway and James Franco), safe (Billy Crystal), hip (Seth MacFarlane), or try and steal another show’s success (Neil Patrick Harris), the result is the same. NPH should have been the shot of adrenaline the 87th Annual Academy Awards needed—a song and dance guy who’s young, fun, and funny. Sadly—and I do blame the writers—he ended up proving as lackluster as Ellen DeGeneres last year.
There was a ton of promise after his opening number with Anna Kendrick and a showboating Jack Black. Hell, I even loved the truncated monologuing to give way directly into the awards. But then came the puns. Puns so unfunny that I was frowning at Harris when he found himself having to smile and laugh because no one else was. Add the tired “magic trick” of his predictions locked in a box that Octavia Spencer unwittingly got wrapped up in “protecting” and the whole things was vaudevillian in the worst way. At least McFarlane bombed—at least he tried.
Harris tried a couple times, ad-libbing a couple jokes when possible like Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1 winner’s poodle costume being met with “that costume needs balls” or his “some treason” remark pertaining to Edward Snowden. You have to wonder whether the Academy was a bit perturbed by that one, but come on. Let your presenter do his/her thing. Stop putting them in a box. This is why a drunk Golden Globes is better. They realize the whole endeavor isn’t such a buttoned-up serious affair.
The evening’s best moment was a chaotic “Everything is Awesome” performance. It’s best attempt at humor was Idina Menzel getting some payback on John Travolta despite him garnering the most attention by touching her face. The most unnecessary bit came from a Sound of Music homage/50th Anniversary honor with Lady Gaga and Julie Andrews that came too late to be resonate. We all would have rather they cut it and end ten to midnight rather than ten after.
As for the awards: I’m just glad Whiplash got some much-deserved love with three awards. I think it’s hilarious that The Grand Budapest Hotel won everything that didn’t mean Wes Anderson receiving a trophy himself. And I was honestly shocked Boyhood earned nothing but Patricia Arquette‘s Supporting Actress. Not that Alejandro González Iñárritu for Birdman was a bad choice, I just wish Richard Linklater got some recognition.
At the end of the day, everyone is going to remember the speeches. Suicide became a common topic to scare away the orchestra’s dastardly “play them off” music; equal wages for women and racial equality got Meryl Streep out of her seat and put tears in Chris Pine‘s eyes; and despite Graham Moore‘s own mention of suicide and “weirdness” as a kid, the internet quickly taught us he was in fact straight so the parallel we made between him and Alan Turing wasn’t quite accurate.
The Academy once again played it super safe. I applaud the winners for bringing a bit of controversy and social consciousness in, but maybe the producers should be the ones doing that. Give us a reason to watch AMPAS. The product as it is now isn’t quite doing it. Providing spoilers for your nominated films (sorry Gone Girl) as joke isn’t a step in the right direction either.
And now the tweets:
time for the Tonys … I mean #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
RT @CNRush: “Tonight, we honor Hollywood’s best and whitest” …. the jokes are only funny if the problem will be fixed. it won’t. #Oscars
— Film Fatale (@FilmFatale_NYC) February 23, 2015
nice spoiler #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
where’s KG? #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Holy shit. I’m genuinely delighted and confused right now. #JackBlack #Oscars
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 23, 2015
MERYL FUCKING STREEP IS MINE, BITCH.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 23, 2015
David Oyelowo is wearing the same material as the seat #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Supporting Actor: J.K. Simmons #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
JK is taking home the actor #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
THROW THE OSCAR AT MILES TELLER, JK. #Oscars2015
— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) February 23, 2015
JK loves his mom and wants his kids to love theirs too #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
State Farm, obvious but still funny, NPH #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
you either forget to thank the wife or forget to thank everyone who made the movie, there’s no middle ground #oscars
— Mystery VP (@MysteryVP) February 23, 2015
J Jonah Jameson beat two Hulks to win an Oscar, then Ra’s al Ghul said there are too many comic adaptations. #Oscars2015
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) February 23, 2015
this performance works, because giving an Oscar to BEGIN AGAIN would be like giving a Grammy to Maroon 5. #Oscars
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) February 23, 2015
Best Costume Design: Grand Budapest Hotel #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
did Tony Revolori bring Jason Schwartzman as his date? #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best MakeUp and Hair: Grand Budapest Hotel #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
they totally won for Tilda Swinton’s aging job #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
What if THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL just sweeps everything and completely ruins everyone’s Oscars pool??
— ErikDavis (@ErikDavis) February 23, 2015
What people don’t know is that Tilda Swinton doesn’t use make-up she re-arranges herself on a cellular level with the power of her mind
— Jason Linkins (@dceiver) February 23, 2015
hmm. the NPH puns / humor is a bit flat #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
NPH: “Please stick around. This will get good soon. I promise.”
— Sam Adams (@SamuelAAdams) February 23, 2015
traversing #Oscar2015 tweets while avoiding #WalkingDead tweets is a skillful art I haven’t yet honed
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Um, Bermuda Shorts? Cannot believe my Dad got a gig writing the Oscar ceremony.
— Jessica Kiang (@jessicakiang) February 23, 2015
lot of flubs #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Foreign Film: Ida #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
seriously? first play off the stage is a foreigner? rude #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I dont know who this man is but I would like to spend the rest of my life with him.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 23, 2015
wow. what an obvious joke. #seatfillers #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
It’s so refreshing that Neil Patrick Harris is taking a non-comedic approach to this year’s #Oscars.
— Graydon Sheppard (@graydonsheppard) February 23, 2015
get some LEGO. get some #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Sadly, this is probably the closest Channing Tatum will get to a real Oscar #Oscars pic.twitter.com/t9HiujMvk5
— screenjunkies (@screenjunkies) February 23, 2015
Best Short Film Live Action: The Phone Call #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
way to give it to the highest profile short people. was pulling for #ButterLamp #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Short Film Doc: Crisis Hotline #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
boo. another obvious one. hoped for The Reaper upset #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Is she a poodle? #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
It’s an amazing night for CRISIS HOTLINES.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 23, 2015
INT – OSCAR TELECAST ROOM Dude A: “Are there any veterans in the room?” Dude B: “Nah let’s just cut to Bradley Cooper.”
— Peter Labuza (@labuzamovies) February 23, 2015
Wow. If you want the music to stop, just say the word “suicide.”
— Ted Geoghegan (@tedgeoghegan) February 23, 2015
Oyelowo’s so-so hand gesture is this Oscar ceremony in a single GIF
— Vulture (@vulture) February 23, 2015
Tim McGraw got a lot smaller and his hat did not get the memo.
— Matt Dartnell (@MattchstickMan) February 23, 2015
Oscars so good I just hit 476 on #crossyroad. http://t.co/P0adJXNyX3 pic.twitter.com/Ae79Ysu4tL
— Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) February 23, 2015
Birdman parody was stupid until the Whiplash payoff #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Neil was undoing a wedgie and scratching his nipples as he walked off stage, which is why TV viewers may have heard laughter.
— Scott Feinberg (@ScottFeinberg) February 23, 2015
Poor Miles Teller’s chief job over last weeks has been showing up to drum in parodies of a film that is gonna beat the shit out of his film
— Jessica Kiang (@jessicakiang) February 23, 2015
Best Sound Mixing: Whiplash #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Sound Editing: American Sniper #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
totally deserved. Arquette by far best part of Boyhood #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Patricia Arquette: The first Dream Warrior to win an Oscar!
— Eric Vespe (@EricVespe) February 23, 2015
Meryl is going cray cray #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I need to watch Beyond the Lights #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
This is a good time to remind everyone that BEYOND THE LIGHTS is wonderful and important and underseen and I love it.
— Kate Erbland (@katerbland) February 23, 2015
My heart bleeds for Octavia Spencer. To all the many losers tonight: Winning an Oscar has its downsides.
— Charles McNulty (@CharlesMcNulty) February 23, 2015
Unless Gwyneth Paltrow’s head is in that box, this #Oscars2015 bit has gone on too long.
— Donna Dickens (@MildlyAmused) February 23, 2015
Robert Duvall is having none of this corny-ass sub-vaudeville humor.
— Ignatiy Vishnevetsky (@vishnevetsky) February 23, 2015
Best Visual Effects: Interstellar #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
wow. first upset? really thought Apes would take that #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Short Film Animated: Feast #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I liked Feast a lot, but Simple Life was so so so great #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Animated Film: Big Hero 6 #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Ok so the Academy only watched the Disney/Pixar screeners. Right? #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I’m just glad How To Train Your Dragon 2 didn’t win #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I find myself reading twitter whenever NPH is onscreen. very uninspired. I blame the writing though #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
“Dick Poop.” #neverforget #Oscars pic.twitter.com/Z3qAZUtIPS
— Entertainment Weekly (@EW) February 23, 2015
Best Production Design: Grand Budapest Hotel #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
“They’ve won so many tonight” Felicity Jones on Budapest #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Cinematography: Birdman #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
In Memorium doesn’t need an intro. it speaks for itself #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I think these partially drawn photos are lovely. This in memoriam is tough this year. So many legends gone.
— Talkhouse Film (@TalkhouseFilm) February 23, 2015
No Joan Rivers in the montage??? She basically created the red carpet which makes all of these bitches millions. For shame!!!
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 23, 2015
Why didn’t they have Taylor Negron? Wtf?
— christopher (@FragileBabyBird) February 23, 2015
The singing performance should be DURING the montage (with clips). Trust me. It will be much more powerful. #Oscars2015
— Gary King (@grking) February 23, 2015
Honestly, the amount of shit Joan Rivers talked every year after the Oscars I’m not entirely shocked they left her off. Still, unforgivable.
— Andrew Parker (@AndrewJParker) February 23, 2015
Best Editing: Whiplash #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Tom Cross matched Teller’s performance with music perfectly. so good #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
take it down a notch Terrence. daaaaaaaaaamn #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
What if we cut back and Terrence Howard has been replaced by Don Cheadle? #Oscars
— Will Goss (@williambgoss) February 23, 2015
Best Documentary: Citizenfour #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
NPH “streason” joke got a laugh from me. that’s one #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Awww, David Oyelowo was crying.
— Film Fatale (@FilmFatale_NYC) February 23, 2015
If I learned anything tonight, it’s that Chris Pine is definitely not racist
— Miel (@mielmonster) February 23, 2015
hey Glom. #Travolta #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Original Song: Glory #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
If you’re gonna win an Oscar for your song, doing it moments after THAT performance of it certainly works. #Oscars
— Eric Goldman (@EricIGN) February 23, 2015
John Stevens and Lonnie Lynn?! I was about to RIOT! #Oscars2015 calling out Gov’ment names! #GLORY
— yvette nicole brown (@YNB) February 23, 2015
suicide and race are “orchestra playing us off the stage” killers #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Tweeted during the Legend/Common performance: https://t.co/os39aVGFP8 please someone stop him #Oscars2015
— A24 (@A24) February 23, 2015
WHY?! why are we wasting all this time on Sound of Music? can’t we just focus on 2014 in movies? #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
It’s 11:15 and we’re settling in for a tribute to THE SOUND OF MUSIC. the girl sang, the nazis lost, let’s move along. #Oscars
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) February 23, 2015
Will somebody be shot for this later on…?
— Kurt Loder (@kurt_loder) February 23, 2015
the next Laura Poitras documentary to be a hard-hitting exposé about who the fuck decided this Sound of Music thing was a good idea. #Oscars
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) February 23, 2015
OH NO DID THE SOUND OF MUSIC DIE?
— Raphael Bob-Waksberg (@RaphaelBW) February 23, 2015
please stand up for me. I am Lady Gaga! #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
all my mother could talk abt during it “@rainnwilson: Lady Gaga’s trumpet tattoo is the only thing I’ll remember from this Oscar telecast.”
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
what’s Mary Poppins doing here? #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
This year’s Oscars are too damned full of white award winners and black presenters. Where are all of the Indians? Come on, Oscars!
— Jay Chandrasekhar (@jaychandrasekha) February 23, 2015
Every acceptance speech now down to 140 characters
— Mike Anton (@mdotanton) February 23, 2015
Best Original Score: Grand Budapest Hotel #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Eddie Murphy’s appearance will be preceded by a much longer, more eloquent appearance by Chris Rock. #DissolveOscars
— Keith Phipps (@kphipps3000) February 23, 2015
Best Original Screenplay: Birdman #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
the one biggie I thought Budapest would win. not to be #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I LOVE Birdman but the screenplay is its weakest part #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Larry the Dog is the star of the night #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
check under your seats. you all get Imitation Games!!!!!!! #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Adapted Screenplay: The Imitation Game #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
most depressing Oscars ever and not because of NPH bombing #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Some very good/provocative speeches tonight.
— Scott Feinberg (@ScottFeinberg) February 23, 2015
“Stay weird. Stay different.” @MrGrahamMoore‘s acceptance speech was the first to get applause in the press room. #Oscars2015
— Jenelle Riley (@jenelleriley) February 23, 2015
AMERICAN SNIPER fans watching the Oscars for the first time just losing their minds at every speech #oscars
— Eric D. Snider (@EricDSnider) February 23, 2015
The gum Michael Keaton’s been chewing this entire ceremony must taste so gross by now. #DissolveOscars
— Trundle Barlow (@PeonyScunthorpe) February 23, 2015
Where did NPH go? Did someone finally give him the hook? Remember when he introduced ScarJo who introduced Gaga to introduce Julie Andrews?
— Edward Douglas (@EDouglasWW) February 23, 2015
Best Director: Birdman #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
wow. looks like Linklater is getting shutout. sorry Boyhood #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Well, with two Mexican directors winning Best Director two years in a row, Fox News is really going to lose their shit now. #Oscars2015
— Ethan Anderton (@Ethan_Anderton) February 23, 2015
Richard Linklater is like well there went twelve fucking years. #Oscars
— Sunil Patel (@ghostwritingcow) February 23, 2015
Best Actor: Eddie Redmayne #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
now every Best Pic nom has an Oscar #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
“I CREATE life!” – Oscar winning actor Eddie Redmayne #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I just feel bad that Keaton spit out his gum thinking he was about to give a speech.
— Jeremy Kirk (@JeremyKKirk) February 23, 2015
Apparently #MatthewMcconaughey is gearing up to play #JaredLeto in his biopic
— Josh Gad (@joshgad) February 23, 2015
How many people have their Julianne Moore tweets at the ready?
— RopeofSilicon (@ropeofsilicon) February 23, 2015
Best Actress: Julianne Moore #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
I repeat, this gag (#Oscar predictions) is the worst in living memory. I’d rather have to watch BIRDMAN again.
— Matt Brennan (@thefilmgoer) February 23, 2015
how great would it have been if they never went back to the box. would have been worth it #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Penn’s joke was offense. But considering he was in 21 Grams and his large smile, it was a poorly thought out “you old so and so” to a friend
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Best Picture: Birdman #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
last year went 8 for 8 on the biggies, this year 5 for 8. those damn writers … #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Guillermo del Toro for 2016!!! #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
of the noms, Birdman was my second fave. so I’m not even mad (only it, Whiplash, and Selma were in top ten) #Oscar2015
— Jared Mobarak (@jaredmobarak) February 23, 2015
Take note Academy:
“Are Key and Peele there?” — my wife, making the Oscars 1000% better
— Sam Adams (@SamuelAAdams) February 23, 2015
what if key and PEELE hosted the oscars
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) February 23, 2015