The 85th Oscars recap through tweets …

@jaredmobarak • and the #Oscars begin … #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • SUCCESS!! Tommy Lee Jones smiles! #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • poor Don Cheadle #Oscars13

Welcome to the 85th annual Academy Awards from the newly renamed Dolby Theatre. Bankruptcy is a drag, ain’t it Kodak?

Hopes were high after host Seth MacFarlane‘s surprisingly hilarious Ted made me wonder if the dude wasn’t the real deal after all. A poor man’s Ricky Gervais, the Academy was probably wise in going for the watered-down Americanized version of unbridled snark because one would think the “Family Guy” creator does want to work in Hollywood again. But while a Chris Brown/Rihanna joke looks to be a sign of things to come, the comedian sadly never reaches that level of biting wit again.

Yes, he gets Tommy Lee Jones to stop looking like Grumpy Cat for a split second by doing nothing more than saying making him laugh was his quest. Yes, he makes a racial joke on behalf of Daniel Day-Lewis‘ Honest Abe and Don Cheadle. But then his stand-up routine is inexplicably ended for lame set pieces and superfluous dance. You aren’t Neil Patrick Harris.

@jaredmobarak • $#*! your Captain says #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • so the Enterprise travels through time now as part of canon? #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • and that song is the kind of lame stuff i hoped MacFarlane wouldn’t do … #Oscars13

Seth, you really should have stopped the introduction before William Shatner lowered from the ceiling in his Captain Kirk garb. Man was that a mistake. You had the crowd chuckling, sitting in awkward silence, and remembering the good ‘ol times back when Mel Gibson was fodder for a few newspaper headlines. This is no time to start trying to infuse “Family Guy”-esque vignettes that transport us into flights of fantasy of made-up history. How ironic that Shatner saying the show will be horrible actually becomes the first example of how bad it is.

A song about boobs? Yeah, we know you’re a pretty good singer. Thanks. The joke wasn’t funny.

Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron dancing? Wow, they can pick up choreography. Good for them. Oh, it’s another excuse for Seth to sing.

@jaredmobarak • thats a pretty spot-on reenactment of #Flight … boy that movie was lame #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • ok. where’s Billy Crystal when you need him? the #FamilyGuy segues are not working #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • couldn’t they have just started with this #Oscars rendition of #BeOurGuest and finished with it? #Oscars13

I’ll give him the Flight gag. That was funny. Especially bearded John Goodman the sock.

Classy soft shoe? Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt? “High Hopes”? At least JGL was helping the internet have fun otherwise with his fantastic photobombing during the preshow.

Oh, but we all wanted to watch MacFarlane French kiss Sally Field … right>

He should have done the stand-up, sung his “Be Our Guest” spoof—despite only mocking Joaquin Phoenix, DDL, and Quvenzhané Wallis with it—and went to commercial before Best Supporting Actor. Keep it simple. I almost wished James Franco was back onstage if only to laugh at his glazed-over eyes.

@jaredmobarak • will Christophe Waltz win another award for the same role? #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestSupportingActor: Christophe Waltz #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • same category, same role … the guy is great in it, just doesn’t show much range #Oscars13

Finally we get some hardware with that aforementioned Best Supporting Actor—an interesting category with five past winners and no real frontrunner besides the guy who took home the Golden Globe.

Did Christoph Waltz deserve the trophy? Yes. However I do say that with reservations. Had he not been a winner before I’d say give that man some credit, but he has. Not only has he proved victorious previously, but it was an almost identical performance.

The guy does carry Django Unchained, provides its biggest guffaws, and really steals every scene he’s in with a perfectly written character nonetheless. I still say Philip Seymour Hoffman should have beat him, though. One because The Master deserved some recognition and two because it was so different from his past win with Capote.

Give Waltz props for bowing to his fellow nominees. That was pretty bad ass when so many others simply say so with hollow words before rambling off their prepared thank yous.

@jaredmobarak • Paul Rudd & Melissa McCarthy: yeah, that bit sucked #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestAnimatedShortFilm: #Paperman #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestAnimatedFilm: Brave … wow. big surprise #Oscars13

What do we get next? Oh, how about more lame joking from Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy pretending to be robots? So sad.

At least Paperman found its way to a Best Animated Short win, its genius providing a great way to get Rudd and McCarthy to stop talking. It was far from a surprise and while the rest of the nominees were deserving, none stood a chance.

The same couldn’t be said for Best Animated Feature, however. No, this category was a crapshoot down to my personal favorite ParaNorman and the possibility of a split vote between Disney proper (Wreck-It Ralph) and Disney/Pixar (Brave). I honestly didn’t see the latter winning before the name was read, but looking back now I’m not sure there was another choice. It reworked what it means to be a princess, flipped the usual evil mother trope on its head, and truly was a stunning piece of cinema.

@jaredmobarak • oh, i had no clue what was up for #BestPicture. thanks Reese!! #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • really, so we get multiple montages at once? that Bond retro must be really long … #Oscars13

Here comes Reese Witherspoon to speak about Les Misérables and introduce its brief montage as a Best Picture nominee. Wait, where is the montage? Now she’s talking about Life of Pi? Are they just going to do all nine at once? While, some words about Beasts of the Southern Wild are now coming out, so maybe …

Nope—just the three. Saving time for this behemoth of a show, I guess? Honestly it’s a good plan. Break them up into three chunks and save the dead air of nine presenters walking to the microphone. Unfortunately those good intentions are rendered moot with the inanity to come that replaces them.

@jaredmobarak • my girlfriend on Renner: “must have done his own makeup” … it is how he started in the biz #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestCinematography: Life of Pi #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • is it talented that he shot green screen the whole time? i’m torn because that must also be hard #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestVisualEffects: Life of Pi #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • read comment on green screen … amazing how much is faked #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • lively and brief!! they said lively and brief!! Jaws will eat you!!!! #Oscars13

What’s this? Another good joke? Yeah, it may be disrespectful to nine-year old Wallis, but the payoff of George Clooney pretending to open the minibar prize MacFarlane throws his way is priceless.

And speaking of old men, out comes Tony Stark playing his alterego Robert Downey, Jr., a rapidly aging Mark Ruffalo, and elder statesman Samuel L. Jackson with their Avengers pals to talk visuals. The banter is lame, the light drawings of their characters cool, and Jeremy Renner‘s math lesson … yawn.

Long story short: Claudio Miranda wins Best Cinematography for Life of Pi despite 80% of the film not being real, the four dudes who made it look real win Best Visual Effects, and Roger Deakins goes home empty-handed again. The second one was a no-brainer, but the first potentially very surprising. It’s a new age of cinema and technology, however, so even though Miranda shot a ton of green screen, he still had to get the angles right and the framing expertly calibrated for the FX team to work their magic.

What’s that sound? Wait, is that the Jaws theme? Did they cut off the speech in mid-sentence? Yes, yes they did.

@jaredmobarak • what was that? wax? do i care? no #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestCostumeDesign: Anna Karenina #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestMakeupHair: Les Miserables #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • totally won for #SachaBaronCohen’s hair #Oscars13

Oh, now I get it! I couldn’t understand what Tatum was talking about with the wax. Did he join the ranks of Ripley’s Museums? No, he’s just talking about his hair removal for what I’m assuming was Magic Mike. Ouch.

The two awards he and Jennifer Aniston announced were anything but confusing as they pretty much aligned with what everyone guessed. Best Costume Design went to Joe Wright stalwart Jacqueline Durran for Anna Karenina and Best Make-up & Hair went to the painters of dirt and grime from Les Mis, Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell. Good to see both films getting their names in the win column.

@jaredmobarak • here comes a huge waste of time. buy the DVD #Bond50 #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • ooo. see what she did there? #PussyGalore #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • they should have had the people who did #Skyfall’s opening do this. now that was spectacular #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • i feel bad for this chick, hope she got some major cash #ShirleyBassey #Oscars13

Wow. This James Bond 50th Anniversary tribute has to be one of the worst Oscar bits ever. The image quality is deplorable, Halle Berry’s completely naked joke about Pussy Galore and its double entendre is obvious, and poor Shirley Bassey should have stayed home.

Yes, Sean Connery supposedly ruined the chance of getting all the 007s onstage together, but even so. After watching the opening titles to Skyfall you can understand that Bond footage can be handled much more delicately than by filtering scenes through scrolling, two-dimensional circles.

The biggest shock of it all, however, comes from the fact it wasn’t the most useless interlude of the night. There was just too much singing for absolutely no reason.

@jaredmobarak • boy did they time that #Scandal ad perfectly #KerryWashington #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestLiveActionShort: Curfew #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestDocumentaryShort: Inocente #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • good for #Inocente! such a great story. just glad #OpenHeart didn’t win #Oscars13

I guessed Best Live Action Short and Best Documentary Short completely wrong in my first year having seen all the nominees.

Curfew surprised me as I thought it the weakest of the Live Action bunch and Inocente proved happy endings can prevail over the more obvious choice for abject depression and tragedy. The former showed brilliant style and aesthetic while the latter told the story of a headstrong young artist defeating all odds to get off the street.

It was great to see Inocente onstage too—even if her face wasn’t painted and her attempt to speak was thwarted. Where was Jon Stewart to get her back onstage a la Markéta Irglová?

@jaredmobarak • give us three more montages please Liam #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #StephenMcKinleyHenderson getting some #Oscars screen time in #Lincoln. go #Buffalo! #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #McFarlane is definitely no @rickygervais … #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • had to get Ben onstage somehow … oh wait he produced #Argo. he’ll be back #Oscars13

If you’re going to get someone to speak about movies like he’s doing a voiceover, Liam Neeson is definitely your man. Three more Best Picture nominees down, three to go.

Before we continue the show, however, Seth MacFarlane gets to crack wise again. Must be the halfway point? Did the producers think we’d forget about him? While the jokes are mildly humorous, the highlight is the fact his first comedic subject of Ben Affleck ends up being the next presenter. MacFarlane lauds him for his accolades before laughing at him and then awkwardly must do so again before bringing him onstage.

Poor scripting for sure, maybe hearing his resume twice was one more jab at the Academy for snubbing him on a Best Director nod.

@jaredmobarak • i’d love to say #HowtoSurviveaPlague is a slam dunk but i actually didn’t see any of the other nominees #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestDocumentary: Searching for Sugar Man #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • wow. the dude is patting the winner to wrap it up? very rude #Oscars13

Affleck is there to announce the Best Documentary Feature, a category I admit to being completely in the dark about. I don’t watch many docs in general but the one I liked the most—How to Survive a Plague—was nominated. Could coincidence lead me to having actually seen the winner? No.

The odds on favorite, Searching for Sugar Man proved victorious. It’s definitely one I need to catch up on. What’s great about the speech, however, is how the level of rudeness jumps an octave from playing Jaws to now guiding torsos away from the mic as a call for wrapping up. Maybe if you cut all the singing you wouldn’t have been in such a rush.

@jaredmobarak • i think #Amour is a higher favorite than #ASeparation was last year #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestForeignLanguageFilm: Amour #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • foreigners better get a few more seconds to say thanks … #Oscars13

Best Foreign Language Film goes to … Amour. Shocked? Didn’t think so.

Why say it’s Austria’s second win without saying what the first was? You obviously put more stock in the country for the category than the director (Michael Haneke), so why not tell us when you have been for every other past winner on the night? (The very good Die Fälscher [The Counterfeiters] was the other in 2007.)

@jaredmobarak • why #Chicago? cause this show isn’t long enough? i hate to say, but i’d rather give them more time for thanks #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • still need to see #DreamGirls if only to not be able to blindly say Hudson didn’t deserve the #Oscar because it’s not the #Grammys #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • oh hey, relevance again #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • i guess they really did sing live … #Oscars13

We have now come to the most worthless portion of the show—the Musical tribute. Not only is the concept stupid because they’re only acknowledging the past ten years of the genre, but no one cares about Chicago or Dreamgirls right now. Why must we then see Catherine Zeta-Jones (without Renée Zellweger) and Jennifer Hudson sing? Talk about irrelevant despite Hudson bringing the house down.

Thank goodness the Les Mis full cast piece is a rousing success, though. So what if they only sing one verse of the song actually up for an award (“Suddenly”)? I love “One Day More” and it’s great to see it sounds exactly like the live recording of the film.

@jaredmobarak • great audience shot of Bradley Cooper looking at the screen since Ted aint there #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • i bet Flash Gordon will be there #OscarsOrgy #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestSoundMixing: Les Miserables #Oscars13

Watching Oscar bits with computer-generated characters must be the weirdest thing live. Here you are sitting in a gorgeous theatre looking at the bright lights and sparkling glitter of the stage and out of nowhere you’re forced to stop looking at the presenter in lieu of television screens at either side. You must pay attention to Mark Wahlberg and Ted the bear in digital form unable to not see the real Marky Mark talking to thin air right in front of you.

Thankfully MacFarlane kept the tone as close to the film as he could—minus the vulgarity of course. The jokes were of the tried and true religious variety like every other year, yes, but you can’t win them all. Obvious and a bit redundant, they still got a chuckle out of me.

Oh, they also gave an award away too. Best Sound Mixing went to the Les Mis team—a trio of guys you wouldn’t know from your neighbor down the street if not for the scorch and burn marketing plan that unfolded the months before the film’s release. I must have seen Simon Hayes talk about the earpieces his actors used twenty times with that damn 7-minute behind the scenes look.

@jaredmobarak • what? a tie? #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • wow. so there really are votes #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestSoundDesign: Zero Dark Thirty & Skyfall #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • didn’t this dude work cinematography on Life of Pi? #guyswithlongblondehair #Oscars13

Of all the surprises that could happen during the course of an Oscars presentation, the one I never thought I’d see was the rarity known as “a tie”. Having occurred five times in the history of the ceremony, 2013 decided to tack on one more with Best Sound Editing. The occasion proves actual votes were tabulated via that new online system this year, but I wonder if any got lost in cyberspace preventing a single victor to be crowned.

Anyway, Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall became the parties now forever linked in the annals of Hollywood awards fame. Not only that, though, all three recipients—two men and one women—had the same hairdo. With their long, flowing locks of blonde hair they could have all gone up interchangeably with Pi cinematographer Miranda and no one would have been the wiser.

@jaredmobarak • hard to pick a scene where Hunt isn’t naked … #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestSupportingActress: Anne Hathaway #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • they gave her extra time. hate favorite players … #Oscars13

As MacFarlane and Sally Field alluded to at the start, the next award proved the least surprising of all—Best Supporting Actress. Did anyone question whether it would go to Anne Hathaway?

Long overdue for the respect in this industry that she deserves, this one-time Disney Princess has found her way to the top with her second nomination (the other being Rachel Getting Married). From the moment the Les Mis trailer was debuted with her stunning and heartfelt rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” we knew she’d be receiving a golden statuette. I’m sure the other girls didn’t even bother fantasizing what they’d say in the off-chance an upset were possible.

I will say this, though, Hathaway definitely had more time for thanks than the rest. Either being a former host has its perks or the Academy really hates bankrupt studios like the one Life of Pi‘s Visual Effects team weren’t allowed to mention due to Jaws. It’s Rhythm & Hues Studios if you care to know.

@jaredmobarak • #BestFilmEditing: Argo #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • oh look, the Academy didn’t forget about #Argo #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • whoa there Jennifer Lawrence, did you practice reading from that teleprompter at all? #wooden #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #Adele is getting lost in that #Oscars background during wide shots #Oscars13

Argo finally gets some recognition after its Cinderella run through awards season with Best Film Editing and Jennifer Lawrence shows us how acting is all about memorizing your lines. Boy, I kind of hope she forgot her contacts or something because watching her read the teleprompter to announce Adele singing “Skyfall” was painful.

Is it wrong of me to say that Hudson may have belted this Brit off the stage? It probably is since I don’t think anyone exists on this planet with better lung capacity than Adele. That girl can sing. I guess maybe it’s just the stupid lyrics of the song that make me underrate it. It’s definitely catchy either way.

@jaredmobarak • and the last three montages … no wonder they didn’t give a tenth nominee #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • way to ruin the end of #SilverLinings … wonder who wins the dance competition #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestProductionDesign: Lincoln #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • wow, #AnnaKarenina got hosed #Oscars13

I have no idea what the stupid criteria is that makes Best Picture fluctuate from five nominees to ten, but the ability to split this year’s nine into three montage groupings definitely seems to have worked. Don’t you think whomever cut the clips together should have paid some respect to spoilers, though? Way to ruin Silver Linings Playbook‘s climactic scene.

One thing that wasn’t spoiled was the winner of Best Production Design. How does Anna Karenina‘s seamless transitions between intricately detailed sets as though the whole movie occurs on a theatrical stage not win this award? Because Lincoln dressed up government buildings to look like they did during the Civil War? Wow, biggest surprise of the night by far to me.

@jaredmobarak • talk a little slower Salma … #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • longest. #Oscars. ever. #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • @OscopeLabs’s #AdamYauch getting very just mention #RIP #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • seems like a lot of awards left for 25 minutes … time to speed things up #Oscars13

How is the show still going? Even MacFarlane can’t stop himself from uttering jokes about the length. Here we are at 11:05pm and there’s still a ton of awards to go. How are they going to finish it by the 11:30pm end time my cable provider is showing on the menu? Oh, I see, by ending it at 12:00am. Thanks Time Warner Cable. I didn’t need sleep before going to work in the morning.

I know I’m being hyperbolic. I would have stayed up anyway. It still would have been nice to know when the hoopla would be over so I could have prepared accordingly, though. Ugh, we still have music and writing and acting and director and film …

Maybe MacFarlane isn’t a horrible host after all. I’m going to blame the producers for this debacle now.

@jaredmobarak • #BestScore: Beasts of the Southern Wild … oh wait #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestScore: Life of Pi #Oscars13

Oh good, Best Score is here! It’s just a shame the best score wasn’t nominated (Beasts of the Southern Wild). Heck, the second best wasn’t either (Cloud Atlas).

It is still cool that Mychael Danna won. I can’t say I remember the score at all, but I do recall a story I heard Ang Lee tell about his relationship with the composer. I could be mistaken and he could have been talking about someone else, but I’m pretty sure he had to fire Danna on a previous film because the music just wasn’t working. Their friendship fractured and it took years to get them back together. What a way to cement their newfound partnership than an Oscar.

@jaredmobarak • Seth doesn’t get to sing. again … #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • oh, right. we can have Norah Jones sing it … #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • Norah Jones needs to act again. Loved #MyBlueberryNights #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestSong: Skyfall #Oscars13

Can we just get through Best Song without superfluity? Please?

Just when I thought my wish came true, MacFarlane’s “Everybody Needs A Best Friend” gets the Norah Jones treatment. So we are made to listen to that, almost the entire studio track from Chasing Ice sung by Scarlett Johansson, and “Pi’s Lullaby”. All this just to give the award to the woman we knew would win it in the first place. Kudos Adele, you’re halfway to your EGOT.

@jaredmobarak • #BestAdaptedScreenplay: Chris Terrio – Argo #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • Tony Kushner gets the snub #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • BestOriginalScreenplay: Quentin Tarantino – #Django #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • Tarantino don’t stop for music #PeaceOut #Oscars13

Writing this year was another crapshoot with no true frontrunners. If I bet money I’d probably have said Tony Kushner was the favorite to take Best Adapted Screenplay for no other reason than name recognition and a need to give Lincoln a major award (sorry Production Design). Well, I would have been wrong. Should have gone for the Hollywood storyline of former out of nowhere writer Ben Affleck taking another named Chris Terrio under his wings for Argo glory. Well, not quite out of nowhere. He actually directed a film called Heights which definitely sits on my DVD shelf and is fantastic.

As far as Best Original Screenplay went, I was pulling for Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola and their wonderfully delightful Moonrise Kingdom. Instead the Oscar went to the master of witty dialogue Quentin Tarantino and his litany of “n-words”. I didn’t love Django Unchained but it was a very funny, very entertaining vehicle for uniquely stylish characters. I guess if he were to win one of the big boys for it, screenplay was the most deserving.

@jaredmobarak • #BestDirector: Ang Lee #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • Can Ang Lee ever stop smiling? #Oscars13

Now for the controversial category of Best Director with the glaring omissions of Affleck Kathryn Bigelow, Tarantino, and Tom Hooper. Who would it be? David O. Russell or Ang Lee? Or would wild card Haneke get some sort of career win due to how rare it is for foreign directors to even get nominated?

We all know Ben would have won if he had the chance—the lead up to the show proved as much. It would have been an almost identical trajectory as Bigelow’s underdog The Hurt Locker and its securing of Best Writer, Director, and Film. But alas, all is not right in this world. Or is it?

When one thinks about what it means to be a director, he or she must understand the pressures of making sure every aspect fires on all cylinders. What better example of that is there than Life of Pi? Ang Lee helmed a massive project in what could easily be considered an animated film with the amount of computer graphics involved. It is the type of feat that I wish would have earned Edgar Wright a nomination for Scott Pilgrim a couple years back.

Also, it just goes to show you that foreign-born directors need some Hollywood/English language love for victory. Lee has two now after Brokeback Mountain. Maybe Haneke needs to come back to America and try a new film rather than a shot-by-shot remake of one of his old works.

@jaredmobarak • #BestActress: Jennifer Lawrence #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • And she falls … #Oscars13

@jaredmobarak • Meryl took speaking lessons from Salma #slow #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestActor: Daniel Day-Lewis #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • Now that’s how you prevent Sandra Bullock envelope ripping face … open it while the camera isn’t on you #Meryl #Oscars13

By this point I discovered Twitter has a limit on the number of tweets you’re allowed to post. There was no way I reached it when so many profiles I follow tweet exponentially more on a daily basis than I had in three hours. So I went online and looked it up. 1000 a day?! There’s definitely no chance I even did 100. So I dug a little further and found there is an hourly allotment within that 1000 … hmmmm. Why not just say you may not exceed x-amount per hour so people are aware? So stupid.

Anyway, I watched the next three awards in internet silence, typing out what I would have tweeted in a Word document in order to finish off this post. Jean Dujardin got onstage to announce Jennifer Lawrence as the year’s Best Actress—a huge surprise considering the story surrounding Emmanuelle Riva‘s career and serendipitous birthday—and Meryl Streep let us know Daniel Day-Lewis was in fact the Best Actor after all.

Lawrence will probably be remembered for face-planting courtesy of her ginormous gown despite sitting in what I believe was the first row. Genuinely shocked, it was great to see her still have the wherewithal to joke that her standing ovation was solely because of the tumble. This girl is the real deal and it was only a matter of time before she won.

As for Day-Lewis, I’m not quite sure what his whole “I took over Lincoln from Meryl Streep when she took Margaret Thatcher from me”. It was kind of funny, kind of awkward. I guess since it’s his third win he just wanted to change things up.

Oh yeah. How great was it seeing Joaquin Phoenix’s utter ambivalence to the whole thing when they announced his name? Seriously, why did he even show up?

@jaredmobarak • At least Jack took off the sunglasses #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • And Michelle Obama had to pretend she was engaged in convo before turning to the camera? Seriously? #Oscars13
@jaredmobarak • #BestPicture: Argo #Oscars13

And the moment we all waited so long to see, Jack Nicholson in public and not at a Lakers game. This was the big set-piece, bringing the guy back to present the most important award and they don’t even let him do it. No, the envelope reading honor went to the First Lady Michelle Obama who thought it fun to pretend she was at some kind of cocktail party with uniformed men and women to the point of faking a conversation so she could turn to the camera and engage us. Really? You couldn’t just stand in front of the camera and start talking?

I’m really not sure what the point of this whole thing was. Hollywood loves the Obamas and I guess they just wanted someone outside the industry to announce the award that was voted on by the industry. Yeah, makes sense …

Anyway, as many of us assumed because of its brilliant sweep of awards leading up to this day, Ben Affleck’s Argo was declared the winner. It’s a definite crowd-pleaser, tells a tale of how Hollywood saved lives, and is expertly crafted. Even so, I must agree with so many others that while a good film, it wasn’t the “best” film. But then when do the Oscars ever actually award the “best” film?

Grant Heslov‘s opener about being as sexy as Clooney and Ben was great and what a move to steal the mic so he could introduce his director as the driving talent behind it. He’s right, Affleck never would have paid himself his due. And it’s still great to see how motor-mouthed and nervous and excited Ben was while giving his thanks. The guy is a previous winner and yet still understands the meaning of the award and the day. Such a great moment.

Could we end on that note, though? No. MacFarlane needs to bring Kristin Chenoweth up to sing about the losers.

I really hope they get a host next year that acts like a host and not the center of attention. That’s what this show needs and is something the Golden Globes has understood for years. Yes be funny and yes be smart, but don’t try so hard to be better than the show itself.

One Thought to “The 85th Oscars recap through tweets …”

  1. Had I Tweeted my Twitter stream would have been a string of, “What! Are You Kidding Me!” That said, apart from the tie, in retrospect there seems little that was surprising. As I watched a mild revelation occurred to me: the television program and the live presentation are at fundamental odds with each other as entertainment. At home we want awards and clips. If that’s all they did, then the people in the theater would stream out steadily, like parents a middle school awards ceremony, after their movie’s prize was announced. They have to have something on stage for everyone to look at, and what they put on is pretty much always going to be indifferent television.

    I know I said above that there was little that was surprising, but I ought to expand on that: actually, these were awards that seemed to me to deviate substantially from predictability. Comedy, for example, traditionally an overlooked category, did okay. If it was “Argo”‘s night, as I believe it was, good for the Academy for recognizing how important Arkin was for holding the whole thing together. (Some day John Goodman will get the acknowledgment he deserves– he is the secret weapon in everything he has ever been in.)

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