REVIEW: The Conjuring [2013]

“There’s usually always some rational explanation” After watching the cinematic account of the Perron family’s plight in 1971 during James Wan‘s The Conjuring—alongside a brief view at Annabelle, the creepiest little possessed doll ever—it’s hard to believe paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren’s most infamous case of demonic insanity was Amityville. Described as the story that couldn’t be told until now via an opening text-based screen crawl reminiscent of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the events that occurred in Roger (Ron Livingston) and Carolyn’s (Lili Taylor) Rhode Island home are…

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REVIEW: Red State [2011]

“Even the Nazis think this guy is nuckin’ futs” As if Kevin Smith wasn’t polarizing enough on his own, the venture making Cop Out for hire bought more ill-will and the risky endeavor of self-producing an original horror only allowed a new genre’s legion of fans to add to the backlash. It’s weird because I always thought Smith was pretty universally loved between his seminal debut Clerks and cult favorites Mallrats and Chasing Amy. My circle of friends would stop at nothing to see his latest work in the theatres…

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REVIEW: The Loved Ones [2010]

“I’m ready to draw on him now” Writer/director Sean Byrne is one Australian unafraid to go for broke. Had his horror film The Loved Ones been made in America, I can think of multiple instances of places where things would have been toned down or stopped altogether. There must have been something every five minutes or so after the halfway point that made me think, “okay, this is where the victim gets saved”. And then out comes a knife in the foot, a drillbit to the skull, and how about…

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REVIEW: The Human Centipede (First Sequence) [2010]

“Mein lieber 3-hund” Everyone needs a hobby. Hitler was a painter, Mussolini a violinist, Hussein’s was plain and simple torture, and I love watching movies. But what about Germany’s most acclaimed and celebrated surgeon for separating Siamese twins? Here is a guy with one of the most high pressured jobs in existence, having the lives of two human beings in his hands each and every time he goes to work, cleaning up what some would say are God’s mistakes. So what could he possibly do when he arrives back home?…

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REVIEW: Friday the 13th [2009]

“You should have been watching him” The scariest part of the new remake Friday the 13th … that’s right, getting into your car and realizing that the eternity was only 90 minutes. All jokes aside, what I learned from the newest installment in one of horror’s never-ending franchises is that you do not mess with Jason Voorhees’s weed. The guy has a nice little crop growing over there at Camp Crystal Lake, and he protects it with his machete and burlap bag covered grotesque mug. Honestly, the first few deaths…

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REVIEW: Silent Night, Bloody Night [1974]

“The last two victims in a house of victims” What’s Christmas without a holiday themed horror film? Not Christmas at all. As such, I viewed the 1974 genre flick Silent Night, Bloody Night with some friends to get in the festive spirit. Released the same year as Texas Chainsaw Massacre, director Theodore Gershuny decided to go in a more abstract surreal direction with his thrills, while keeping to a similar low-budget aesthetic. Because of this, while not being nearly as good as that Tobe Hooper classic, Gershuny’s work has a…

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REVIEW: The Illusionist [2006]

“Where the dark arts still hold sway” There is a lot of buzz going around movie circles about this being the year of magic. With Christopher Nolan’s The Prestige garnering much anticipation, the lesser-known The Illusionist, by director Neil Burger, hits screens first. Trailers show that while it appears to be the more accurate movie in terms of period and realism, it doesn’t seem to have the flash or grave consequence as Nolan’s film. While The Prestige is a movie about rivalry and mysticism, The Illusionist is a love story…

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REVIEW: The Descent [2005]

“Love every day” I am not a big fan of the horror genre. Many of them are just too campy or schlocky to be terrifying, too derivative of each other, or too slow and drawn out while trying to be suspenseful. Besides the first two masterpieces of the Hellraiser series and the original, read only good, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I could do without the genre completely. I don’t mention Hostel here, because as I’ve said in my review for that film, it isn’t as much a horror as a thriller…

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