REVIEW: Transformers: The Last Knight [2017]

“You’re running out of tomorrows” Fact: Transformers: The Last Knight is its franchise’s most entertaining entry. While I definitely felt ready to nod off during my original trilogy refresher course this week—and actually shut my eyes a couple times during Age of Extinction—this latest installment had me wide-eyed and interested throughout its 149-minutes (the series’ […]

REVIEW: Transformers: Age of Extinction [2014]

“I know you have a conscience because you’re an inventor like me” There’s a problem when the first, expository-heavy hour of a three-hour Transformers action extravaganza shines above the rest. Michael Bay has looked upon this franchise from the start as an excuse to put explosions and destruction onscreen alongside cheesy and sometimes offensive comedy […]

FILM MARATHON: 2014 Schrembs Movie Showcase #2: The Abyss [1989]

The 2014 Schrembs Movie Showcase: Film #2: If you have been around me for any a length of time, chances are you became immediately irritated for a number of reasons, especially if the topic of movies came up. It’s worth noting that I have seen less than 10 science fiction movies in my lifetime, that […]

REVIEW: Pain & Gain [2013]

“I gotta get a pump” I like when actors not only play to their strengths, but also make a concerted effort to do so. Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson saw an opportunity to have fun playing a couple of bumbling amateur criminals—waiving their salaries along with director Michael Bay for backend deals—and had faith audiences […]

Posterized Propaganda April 2013: Sleight of Hand With ‘Trance’, ‘42,’ ‘Upstream Color’ & More

“Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover” is a proverb whose simple existence proves the fact impressionable souls will do so without fail. This monthly column focuses on the film industry’s willingness to capitalize on this truth, releasing one-sheets to serve as not representations of what audiences are to expect, but as propaganda to fill […]

REVIEW: Transformers: Dark of the Moon [2011]

“You all read ‘Humpty Dumpty’” When Transformers came out in 2007, it was all the rage. Nostalgia, explosions, over-the-top summer blockbuster laughs, and even a smidgeon of heart were thrown into Michael Bay’s ultimate orgasm of action, sex, and metal. It was fun despite its corniness and therefore left a desire for a sequel, one […]

REVIEW: Stargate [1994]

“I’m here in case you succeed” Could anyone have fathomed Stargate spawning a legion of television series and huge cult sci-fi following back in 1994? It came from writer/director Roland Emmerich after all, a man that had a German language feature and four in English, all ill received, behind him. Who knew he’d one day […]

REVIEW: The Human Centipede (First Sequence) [2010]

“Mein lieber 3-hund” Everyone needs a hobby. Hitler was a painter, Mussolini a violinist, Hussein’s was plain and simple torture, and I love watching movies. But what about Germany’s most acclaimed and celebrated surgeon for separating Siamese twins? Here is a guy with one of the most high pressured jobs in existence, having the lives […]

REVIEW: A Nightmare on Elm Street [2010]

“I haven’t even cut you yet” So this is what it has come to. Hollywood should really stop making ‘revisionings’ and just tack on another number to the end of the once sacred horror franchise they decide to desecrate. I’ll admit, the new A Nightmare on Elm Street isn’t that bad, at least as far […]

REVIEW: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen [2009]

“What if we leave and you’re wrong?” My screening of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen ended around 10:00pm. What do we see in the lobby as we exit the theatre? A line already forming for the midnight show less than two hours away, the premiere time slot to expose the world to the ancient Decepticon […]

REVIEW: Pineapple Express [2008]

“You’ve been served” The Apatow machine churns out another one. I don’t think Pineapple Express could fail even if it tried because the pairing of Seth Rogen and marijuana seems to be a match made in heaven. Billed as an action stoner comedy, Rogen and writing partner Evan Goldberg have crafted a tale around the […]